Goodbye - You drove me Crazy.

I had a secret stash in my closet.

"Just in case".

But Now-I can Officially Say Goodbye.

I can let them go.

I can let my reliance on them fly out the window.

I can be free of them.

I never thought the day would come.

I thought it would never end.

I used to go crazy about it.

Worrying, making charts, buying rewards, worrying, giving candy, giving bribes -

Worrying.

But I can say it now.

GOODBYE PULL-UPS!!!!!!

Anthony is officially potty trained. He has been for a while. But I have kept these things , just in case, as if I was imagining it and one day I would wake up and we would still need them. But here we are.

We have been working with Anthony since he was 2 years old on this. He always went, every day, on the toilet. But he wasn't ready to do it on his own yet. We knew it would take a long time. "They" told us it would. But at 4, 5, 6 and 7 we really didn't think it would ever happen. It was so stressful. People were always giving us tips, helpful advice and tricks. And we used every single one of them. Charts - only I was trained on that. Stickers - he hated because they always give those out at the doctor, and he hates the doctor. Candy - he only liked sometimes. Matchbox cars - he has at least 30 from those efforts. We tried just putting him in the underwear so he could "feel" being wet. He has sensory issues - except when it came to that. He didn't really care. I even bought him a doll he could teach. (When is someone going to invent a car that needs to go potty - maybe that would have done it?)

I had a family member ask me how long it could take. I told her "as late as 8". (Yes, I had researched it.) He was 7 at the time and she responded with her own sigh of relief - "Oh good, you only have a year left." I watched other kids get potty trained that were born after him - before he was even close. Even Bella and Emma beat him.

I knew someone who said her son was trained in one day.

I had become exasperated.

Really though - WHAT IS IT about us as mothers that makes us think it's all our fault if they aren't trained by a certain age? There is another person I know who took off work to potty train her child in a 2-day training method? Really? I felt like such an inept mother. One day while crying to my dear friend Erin - she said something that I will never forget, I tell everyone I meet, and changed my whole perspective.

I was complaining that some other child was potty trained in one day, and that we had been working on it for 5 and a half years now, with no end in sight. In her special way of calmness and peace that she carries with her, she said - "He'll be potty trained in one day too. ONE DAY - HE will be potty trained."

Now that was the brick in the head this momma needed. I stopped worrying, I stayed consistent, I let him do what he could, when he could, and I respected him. And 5 years later - my one day came. Or rather, HIS one day came. And He is potty trained. And now, after it's all said and done, I realized that what we all hear while we are trying to potty train our kids - but don't understand until they're done - is that THEY DO do it themselves on their timeline, under their understanding, and with their determination. They potty train themselves, we have hardly a thing to do about it but keep consistent, patiently wait, and realize this is not about us.

I love that his one day finally came for him, that he can finally be free of pull-ups, that I can carry a purse. Yes, he will be 13 this summer, but he really did it by age 12. I don't even have to remind him anymore. It took us 10 years. But we got here. I just didn't want to jinx anything by posting too soon about it. But this post, however weird to some readers, is one of the most exciting ones. I love how when I hear the toilet flush, my heart feels fuller and I just rejoice in the moment. He's the only kid who can make me do that with that sound.

And who cares that by the time I got to proudly buy "big boy underwear", I also had to pick up deodorant and acne cream. In the end, freedom - is a very sweet reward.