Heaven is By the Waters in Minnesota

Our Memorial Dayweekend was VERY memorable for us. We got to stay the weekend at Shaun's family's cabin. He went there as a kid, and so did his own mom when she was young actually. So this place means so very much to my husband and his whole family. Each year for Memorial Day weekend, they all get together, but this is the first in a long time for us. This is why Minnesota always was, and always will be, home. What a beautiful weekend!!! The sun, the cool breeze, family, fun, staying up past bedtime, a campfire, playing cards late into the night, dirt, toads, worms and fish. The BEST vacation I have had in ages!! Shaun showed us all the great things he did and told many stories of his youth. He was definitely in his glory there. I didn't know how much this place had his heart. And he loved sharing it with his kids!

It was an adventure for all of us. I learned to canoe and I took the kayak out around the lake. That was probably a bit too adventurous. I went around the lake and came back after an hour and a half to find out it was about 5 miles. I guess I am glad I didn't ask how far it was first, I might not be writing this right now. On the way back I saw the most beautiful sight EVER!! The sun was just slightly touching the water creating this glittering sparkle. It was like non-stop fireworks! If that is what it's like to "follow the light", I can see why people do it. Heaven IS a little closer when you are out by the water. My whole family enjoyed every bit of it.

This is my little Nature Girl (in training - see "trainer" below). Our cousin Kyle taught her how to be the "motor" of the canoe. She was so thrilled with her accomplishment!!! She wanted to just go and go and go. This is when I got to take them all out. The only time Anthony got in, but he seemed to enjoy it! Just once was enough I guess.

Here's our little fisherman. He went from throwing in his plastic fish that came with his rod in, and catching it over and over to catching this. After mom got it baited, he cast and caught this one ALL on his own. Go Anthony! The best part was that for the first time, when he caught it, he didn't chuck his pole into the lake with his enthusiasm.

Here is cousin Kyle and Theresa's little girl Amery and Emma. Amery, at three, led both our little girls down the very cool path of living with courage. She taught them to catch toads (and make them a house and give them a bath), appreciate the coolness and size of a huge nightcrawler, and pet every fish ever caught. (She was the "trainer".)They all had such a great time.

Now I know why this place is so special to Shaun, his mom, brother, and their whole family. This is where little boys catch big fish, little girls get dirty, moms and dads relax, and families, and individuals grow. This is where the stories and the laughs get bigger and bigger. This is where everyone gets in touch with the child inside. No wonder it is so near and dear. It's so FUN! I can't wait to go back. What an awesome experience to have, and give, to another generation.

Working again...

Well, we are working parents again. And I hate it already. Actually, it's not that bad, but wow is it going to take some getting used to. Shaun starts next week at Red Stone American Grill in Minnetonka. He will be the assistant manager with hopes to move up to General Manager within the company soon. The pay is pretty good, but I still need to add to our income.

I had tried starting a day care out of my home, but kept running into walls. Walls that I couldn't do anything about. I couldn't take the courses and fullfill all the requirements at least until August, and without knowing anyone with little ones in need of care, I just wasn't getting anywhere quick enough. Although I still love the idea and the name, it just isn't panning out. I was going to call it "That Little Extra". The idea came from the "extra" chromosome and care involved with kids with Down syndrome. I was hoping to specialize in the care for children like Anthony primarily, but also for other children as well. But there are a ton of moms looking for the same thing - just a kid or two to care for to help out. And I just couldn't find people. I am kind of happy though. The idea of 5 children all day this summer wears me out just thinking of it. Plus working 7:30 t0 5:30 sure is a dramatic switch from the life I was living as a stay at home mom. One where I could make appointments whenever, stay home with a sick little one without worry of someone else's child care, or even go out of town if I felt like it.

I was just getting settled in my life here. And then everything was flipped on it's end.

So I kept trying to think of something else. Daycare for my own children is a nightmare in cost and I don't even want to go down that road of looking for a quality place for Anthony again. That just sucked. I can appreciate the role I was given by being Anthony's mom, to be an educator. But some people's ignorance still just gets to me. So a full-time job wasn't too promising either.

So a week and a half ago I get this hair-brained idea to clean people's homes. I came up with a name and a logo (which was even blessed by a real graphic artist - Thanks Mandy). It's called "Breath of Fresh Air". A dear friend I got reconnected with through facebook helped me get trained in and even created a whole line of cleaning supplies that I can get through her company. (Thanks Maggie). Because of her - I can clean homes "the green way". Better for the environment, the families I will care for, and me. I couldn't do this job and take all the chemicals on my skin and breathing it. So "SIMPLYNEUTRAL" is another huge blessing. Then I sent out an email to a few folks to see if I could "practice". I got 6 houses!!!!! In a week!!! So I will just keep practicing until I get a more consistent jobs, and we'll see.

But here's the yucky part. And I knew it would happen. I set up appointments, and now Shaun has to work on those days. Now I need day care. UGH! How do people do this?? Whose job gets precedence? The one scheduled first - or the one that pays more? Oh well, we'll figure it out. Somehow we always do.

I got my present!!

Shaun just got home - he got the job!!! It's a few steps down the ladder, but he's working. With any luck he'll move up the ladder quickly and the pay will be "just enough" for us.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

35?? When did that happen?

Well, here it is - I am 35. My husband is hoping to get me a great birthday present - a job. He is on his interview as I write this. I myself am enjoying all the birthday wishes from my friends on facebook, and all the calls from friends and family.

Although this morning little miss Emma was wondering where the cake, ice cream and presents are. I tried to share that when you're a grown up, you don't always do those things. A few hours later she explained to me over lunch that when she is a grown up she is "going to have cake and ice cream for every birthday no matter what, just like a kid".

Well, why not? I think I am going to go get us a piece of cake and ice cream somewhere after we go to the library. I am 35, but who says my "kid" days are over. Thanks Emma.

It's not always easy

I went to a conference in Lake Elmo, MN last weekend and was so inspired and moved by the whole thing. Dr. Tim Kimmel spoke on "Raising Truly Great Kids". A grace-based approach to parenting, straight out the Bible. Check out Familymatters.net.

I knew I couldn't give my husband a sufficient crash course of the speaker's crash course, so I got the DVD set to bring home. So far we have watched the first 4 sessions. It has both empowered and freed us in so many ways. There are little changes in our home- it's more relaxed, kind, loving and just great. It has impacted our marriage and changed the day to day interactions with our kids. If you can get any of this guy's books, CD's, DVD's or see him in person - you will be affected.

The story I need to share with you is so amazing.

I am a mother of 3 children. I have 2 younger daughters (8 and 5) and one son - age 10. My son is Anthony, and Anthony was born with Down syndrome and has apraxia (a verbal disorder). His communication is so very limited. We use sign language and pictures with him, but he is so smart, it just isn't always enough. So when he gets frustrated, angry, disappointed, whatever - it can be really rough. He has often gotten to a state of rage and aggression that he becomes out of control and uncontrollable. In the past both my husband and I have reacted with emotions, we have gotten angry too - he hits, scratches, pulls hair and hurts our daughters and us. It can happen so fast, something in his mind, or mood, switches and he can lash out without a second's notice and one of our girls lets out a scream. Our reactions have been of shock mostly, protection over them, anger at him...just pain all around. We have tried behavior specialists, therapies, whatever we can. But at those moments he just hits instead of signs, and if we try the pictures system, he just throws them at us. In the heightened moment - all things go out the window and we are at a loss for what to do, and he is at a loss for any other way to get through it. We often end up distracted with emotions, or care for the other hurt child. We tend to just walk away - "they" say to do that when you're angry yourself. But we left him in the process, and he just was alone. We thought he could process on his own, and we knew we needed to leave the situation, so there he was, casted out. Oh, we didn't know what we were doing.

But tonight, just a few hours ago, we did something that quite possibly could qualify as a miracle in our home. My parents were visiting, the kids were playing fine, but then Anthony started getting a little too rough, I rushed in to stop him before he could hurt my 8 year old and just caught his hand while he attempted a swing at the 5 year old. I took him away from everyone and was able to let my parents take over with the girls. I sat with him, calmly, and tried to get him to calm down. He escalated and began swinging at me. I told him he was not allowed to go back to play with the girls until he could calm down. I told him he had to show "nice touches" before he could go back. (His cognitive level is about age 5). He got even more angry as I tried to block him. He hit and scratched me, a lot. I stopped as many as I could. This is a typical scenario we run into, but this time he and I went into the bathroom, so as not to make a scene with the way he was treating me, and we just stayed in there for the duration.

He yelled, screamed, cried and swung. My heart broke for him. And I saw him, I really SAW him, with acceptance, not for what he was doing, but for how trapped he must feel. I can hardly see through the tears to type this as I replay the image in my mind. All I could see was this little boy with so much feeling, so many emotions, just overwhelming him, with no way out. It killed me to witness the pain he was in. That little guy has lived 10 years without ever being fully heard, fully understood - 10 years!! What he was doing was terrible, but would I, would anyone, react any different? I saw him for the first time in such a different way. I ached for what he was in, and in all alone. I kept blocking his swings, like a game of high-fives, and I told him I loved him. I wasn't going anywhere. I told him he couldn't hit me, or anyone else, but that I wasn't going to leave him alone. I was not giving up.

My husband came in to see if I needed any help. And then we both sat in there and stuck with him through his anger. For the very first time - we were BOTH in there, full of love, no anger, just love. And we didn't walk out, like we have in the past. We didn't give up on him. We didn't leave him to "get over it". We stayed, and we stood stong - together - providing a secure love. We were 2 parents loving him no matter how mad, angry or sad he was, or how he displayed it.

After 50 minutes, he stopped. He finally just stopped. And then he cried. He took my arm, and he laid his head on it, and he cried. He looked up and he signed "sorry" to me, and his dad, and he hugged us. We were all 3 in a group hug on the floor crying. Just holding each other, and realizing what an amazing thing just happened.

I don't know what will come of this. Will he not hit next time he gets mad? I don't know, I don't even know if what happened tonight will mean as much to him as I would hope. But I do know a few things. Love like that is significant. Grace is powerful going both ways. And seeing with heart - shows you things you could never see with just your eyes. I feel honored to be married to my husband, that together we showed our son committment, love, and strength. I pray that he will always remember it. But I know we will never forget it.

So many times I read parenting books and so much of it has to be tweeked and "specialized" for Anthony's disability. But this, this education, it is individualized for each person, and yet made for everyone. This way of teaching the biblical principles of caring for our children connected my husband and I to each other, and to our son tonight. It blessed us with some magical moments with our son, it gave us a connection we so struggle to get with him, and - God bless Dr. Kimmel - it gave us hope.

Starting off

Well, I did it. I started a blog. What am I in for?



I so enjoy reading other people's blogs, so I decided to start my own. Plus, I really should journal more, and I am on the computer too much anyway. Might as well make some good use out of it.



I enjoy writing and this will cut down on sending out massive emails. If people want to know how we are - they can just check out the blog. Hopefully people will still call me to check in, the old-fashioned way, but this could be fun too.



So here we go. I hope you enjoy.