The Key Is...

As a parent, we all have "tricks" up our sleeves.
I think that over the years, Shaun and I have learned that tricks won't get it done.
You need the "key".

Yesterday, we took the kids to see a movie. Anthony's first movie in the theater was "Cars". That was 3 or 4 years ago. I know it came out on his birthday, but I can't remember which year. The tricks we used then was to bring Grandma and Papa and load up on pop and candy, all of which were a special treat back then, (living in Iowa). I tried again later for a birthday party, used the trick of popcorn and pop, we went into the theater and he couldn't do it. He hung on to me for dear life. He was so scared, we gave away our treats to the birthday boy and had to leave. We now know, the tricks aren't what did it. The "key" was to get there before they turn out the lights and start up the noise. Yesterday we went to "Toy Story 3", which we all loved. Bought root beer and fruit snacks, just in case. But he was fine. We got there, he was scared, but he went in and sat next to his "silly buddy boy" (he and dad's little name for each other). And he did great. He didn't even drink the pop or eat the snacks until we were in the car on the way home. He sat and waited through all the previews, (wow like 25 minutes) and when the lights went down, I half expected him to bolt, but he got excited and was ready to see Buzz and Woody light up the screen.

We have lots of others too.

The "key" to get him to focus on what you want him to do, is to make sure he knows you understand him and his wants first.

The "key" to keep him relaxed and calm is exercise.

The "key" to get him through a doctor appointment that involves a shot, is to let him know that it's coming, but he can choose to sit on mama's lap instead of having all the "helpers" ( about 5 nurses now) hold him down. Another "key" is to remind him that we can go to a restaraunt after he makes it through. (ok, so maybe that's just a plain bribe.)

The "key" to getting him through his frustrations, is to pull him aside, and let him "talk it out". (Not that we understand much of it, but once he's aired it out, he breathes better, wants to be held, and sometimes will cry, but then is fine again.)

The "key" to making him light up is to include him in cooking, he LOVES to grill, any "job" he can show his ability to be responsible. He even loves to do laundry.

Even the girls have the "key" of cheering him on to a new experience with their own "dramatic" excitement, that he tries a lot more things that Shaun and I could ever get him to do on our own.

Sometimes with all the "extra" things we do with and for him, it feels like we must carry a keychain resembling a set of janitor keys. Too many to count.

But like most of us, sometimes we can't find our keys. We look and look and look, but we just can't find them.

Tonight, like each and every day, I searched for the "key" to communicating with him. There are so many times where I feel like we are cracking the code on this, but then nights like tonight happen and remind me how far away we are from the "key".

He spent, bless his heart, 20 minutes trying to finger spell and say the words he wanted me to know. So signing and talking weren't doing it, so I went for this computer thing he has.

Honestly, I hate the thing. It's heavy, cost $3000.00 (so I'm too scared to take it anywhere) and is so complicated that I just don't see the practicality of it. His therapist thinks this will be soo very helpful for him, but I am so full of skepticism on it. He doesn't really even like it. But maybe because I don't encourage the function of it for him, he doesn't see it's benefits either.

So I go get the thing and he taps the onscreen buttons to say "I want to write". So I go get him a pen and paper. When he was finger spelling, he was doing it phonetically, which seriously cracks me up everytime b/c it's so cute, and he kept spelling "r,a,e,d" and "r, a, i, i,". So he gets his pen and paper and writes, with help from things in his room. "Road" "Anthony and mom". Then he uses the computer to get the word "lego", signs "build" and points out the "trailer" for the fire truck for us to do together.

It took over 40 minutes by the time we got it figured out through the use of sign language, pen and paper, a computer, and pictures in his room to tell me he wants to build the trailer to his legos fire truck with me tomorrow.

He is 12 now, and when it comes to getting to really know and understand our son, we still have just our tricks, and dammit, I would give anything to find the "key."

Yet for now though, the tricks work. And I cherish them. Because between all of these, he still manages to make me laugh, melt my heart, and he really does shine past that "lock" that keeps him inside.