The Books that Changed it All

I have been ridiculed for my choices of books by many people in my life.

I like books that help me learn to be a better person.

I don't necessarily read "self-help" books, (they usually just cause me to "help myself" to a load of guilt and disappointment) but I do read books on parenting, marriage and life. Those are my life. I am a mother, a wife, and a woman. I went to college for psychology, read a ton of books for that - how is this any different? No, I don't get paid, but I am giving myself a PhD. in this. I want to do it well.

Recently I began reading a few great books.

I read the Shack, and I started to free myself of the legalism pitfall of Christianity. I stopped trying to please God with a checklist of being a "good Christian woman". I began to see God as a friend, someone to get me through this crazy life, and not as someone I have to impress. I realized a very freeing thought - I don't have to worry about "being" good, I just have to, each day, DO something good. Doing good things helped me let go of the "checklist" and give myself freedom in each situation I was faced with. It gave me a choice, instead of forcing judgement on myself so many times a day.

Then, I read "Eat, Pray, Love". This book brought me closer to myself. I realized that crazy, run-around thoughts in my head can be normal. Well, common - but definitely not crazy. this woman worked through a year of defining herself, on her own, not by the standards of the world. She helped me ask questions of myself that needed to be asked. Am I living the way I want? Am I self-respecting, self-nurturing, and in touch with my own wants, dreams, and desires? Without being selfish. Unlike the author, I do have a marriage and three children to care for. Can I even discover these things about myself without sounding self-absorbed? I have discovered, at the very least one answer - That I MUST ask and answer these things about me. And as a plus, in doing so, I will be a better mother and wife.

But then I got a hold of the book that all the others have prepared me for. I am reading "Women, God and Food". This book has lit up every fire in me that was iver put out due to life, circumstances and change. I feel lighter, more calm, and even blissful. My life will NEVER be the same. I am beginning to see the amazing power of self acceptance and self-respect. Better yet, I am beginning to FEEL it. I had a day of ordinary things, but felt extrordinary in it. I felt freedom and joy, I felt love and contentment. I had a day, without judgement and self-loathing. I had fun. I had hope. I had me. For a day, I had what I have dreamed about for years - the acceptance of myself. As I am.

And for once - I do not feel the need to change myself to be better.
I feel the need to break through to be the me I always was, but never let exist.

This is why I read the books I do. Because being happy in this life, no matter what it throws at you, is worth the investment of doing what it takes to find true happiness. It's always been there - why NOT go after it?