The Word of the Day

Every day, Anthony has a "word of the day". He shares with his class the word, the defintion, and a picture to illustrate the word.

Today's word, at our house is Trust.

The defiintion is "firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing".

Here is my illustration. Proof that I have had to "trust", many times before the integrity and ability of many doctors, teachers and whoever else. But mostly in God.
On Monday I cried at what we have to do today, and yesterday I was calm. Resolving that everything will be okay.

But today, I woke up and the war within began.

Today, we take Anthony to the St. Paul Heart Clinic to have a "cardio workup" done. We know an EKG will be done, blood tests and an echo-cardiogram. What else? Not sure. It is just the next step we are being told to do. He passed out at school, for the second time in a month, and protocol dictates that we get his heart checked out. So today, we go.

The war within me raged once my alarm went off, and I woke up, and I realized what I have to do today. I began with awful negative thoughts, wondering what might happen, conjuring up worse case scenarios, (WHY do I do that to myself??) I can jump the gun so fast. Too fast.

And then I fought myself with the positives. It is still, right now, just another doctor appt. Yes, many things lead to a possible condition. The passing out, the fact that heart issues run in the family, and the most obvious - he has Down syndrome. This kind of thing sort of comes with the job. But right now, it is just another appoinment. We don't know anything, we don't have to be scared in this. (I am winning this war. And it feels awesome.)

I resolved yesterday that one of two things will happen today.

1. They will rule it out.

2. They will find something, and they will need to fix it.

So I trust.

I have to.

I have to trust that the doctors in one of top clinics in the country will take care of my son.

I have to trust that they will get a closer to an explanation.

I have to trust that, just like many times before, we will stand strong when it is all said and done.

I also have to trust, so that my son, who will be very scared today, can look to me and Shaun, our faith, and trust...us.

Today, there is a song. Well, part of the song. Because I don't know the whole thing and I really only need the one part anyway, and it is playing over and over in my head.

I love that God can speak to us anyway He wants to.

Today He is using The Doors.

"Break on through to the other side. Break on through. Break on through. Break on through to the other side."

I have been through a lot, so has Shaun, so has Anthony, and so have many others. But on the other side we can see what God saw all along. The way it was all meant to be. The way things can all fall together, like someone had it all planned out. (Because someone does). The way that when, on the other side of it, you see that you weren't alone, even if you felt like it.

Just like a friend of mine said. I can trust that He will be there, because I can look back and see that He always has been.

So today, I will trust.

And we will "break through to other side".