De-Benched - Part 2 (See previous post)

A success!!!

Took the kids to the park tonight and played flag football, (thanks for the idea Lashawn!)

and tag.

What a blast. We all needed showers after that.

Great fun, great workout,

great to be off the bench.

I haven't laughed that hard for quite a while!!

They all were hilarious.

Confirmation and validation of a good decision:

Giggles, belly laughs, sweaty and dirty.

The best part?

When Bella, through her own belly laugh, says, with her "valley girl accent",

"See mom, you HAVE to be a kid again."

Like totally.

The De-Benched Mom

About 2 years ago, I got benched.

By my kids.

I used to be the mom who was out there playing at the park.

I helped push the swing.

Caught them when they went down the slide.

Held them up to do the monkey bars, and that handle sliding thingie.

I held their hand as they crossed the bridge,

and stood behind them as they climbed the ladder.

And then I got benched.

Now here I sit, watching, listening, on the edge of the bench waiting to see if they need me.

But they don't.

We are in a new season now.

Another phase of the "letting go" I suppose.

I remember envying those moms who sat and read a book, chit chatted with each other and shared stories, recipies, and the latest People magazine.

Now I am there.

And I don't like it at all as much as I thought I would.

Sure it's nice once in a while.

I like sitting there and watch them chase each other,

climb things they couldn't before, see them play, and hear them laugh.

But these days I find myself not feeling like talking with the other moms, I feel silly reading a book, I have no recipies, and celebrities just aren't as interesting as they used to be.

So today, I got off the bench.

Turns out - best thing I ever did.

I would love to believe I could be a homeschool mom. It's quite an incredible thing.

I would love to be able to afford to put my kids in sports activities. In fact, until recently, I have felt enormous mom guilt that I am not, since "all their friends are doing it".

So here's my new plan.

I am "De-benching"myself.

Lord knows I have a ton of weight to lose, and my best intentions of getting to the gym 12 times a month is costing me more than we can afford right now. ( I will try again next month).

And watching my kids play on organized teams is out of our league for cost, especially with 3 of them. And in the end, it's just another way to put myself back on the bench.

I thought to myself, instead of feeling like I am depriving them of this opportunity and feeling bad about it, I wondered what would happen if I spent 3 hours a week (the time I would have to find for practice times and game time for just one kid) playing with my own kids.

I am blessed enough with both a backyard and a front yard, and even a park within walking distance. What if, instead of out-sourcing it, I played soccer, basketball, baseball, and football with my kids?

For free.

What if after dinner, homework, chores- and before bath and stories - we played. They would learn teamwork, new skills, have fun, and have mom time.

And mom would get exercise-and a little more time with these kids.

It's a win-win.

I could be like a home schooling sports mom.

De-benched.

MMM?

I'll keep you posted.

Do Angels get overtime?

This is one of my all-time favorite photos. So angelic.

This is me, my dad, and Anthony while he was still in the NICU.

Yep, a peanut.

He lived there for the first 3 weeks of his life. So tiny (4 lbs. 12 oz.).

I had no idea back then what life would be like for us. Now 11 years I look back at this photo with such a fullness in my heart. I still remember all too well how scared I was, how fearful we all were. The unknown is soo...dark.

The thing I love about this picture, actually there are quite a few things.

That's my dad. The coolest man in my life. He's been there for the whole thing. There isn't a moment I don't remember the amazing love of that man.

Also, that's my son, my first baby, the one who has changed me into the woman and mother I am.

But the thing I want you to take notice of with this post is that light.

The beaming light coming in over our shoulders and onto Anthony.

Before, as I looked at that light I used to think; "it's the only shot I got that shows you how bright the angels are that watch over our little guy."

Today, I am wondering if there might be more than one.

Why can't he just stay little like this?
It would be so much easier.


Fast forward now.

To why I am grateful that our children are blessed with guardian angels,
and why I am sure that Anthony has more than one.


See this shot - This is why "Fireproof" has a whole new meaning in our house.
This occurred last Fall after Anthony watched us start our first fire in our new fireplace.
He is so observant.

We began with crumpling the newspaper, laying on the kindling, and lighting the matches. Did I mention Anthony loves fire? So the next day while I went to get Emma from pre-school, and Shaun was home working and taking care of Anthony who was home from school that day, he got an "idea". I was tempted to call up his old cub scout leader to see if he just earned his fire badge. But he did it exactly right. The newspaper, the wood, the matches. Well, not exactly right - he started it on the floor instead of the fireplace. Shaun got that funny feeling that something was up with Anthony, you know, when it's "too" quiet. Halfway down the stairs to check on him, the fire alarm goes off. Shaun hits the basement with the alarm sounding, Anthony under the coffee table, and the fire blazing on the floor. After putting it out, shutting off the alarm and getting Anthony out from under the table to see if he's all right, he takes a moment to take stock of what just happened. As he looks around, he counts 22 lit matches. 22!!!!
And not a mark on Anthony. Anywhere.

Do you believe in Angels?

Not sure?
Let's try again.

Today Anthony had another "idea".

I wish I had a photo of this, but you'll just have to use your imagination. As I was making dinner, Anthony went out to play. Not super comfortable with that all the time, but figured he'd be okay for a bit. I didn't want to burn dinner, again. So then, I was dishing up everyone's plates and talking with the girls when I remembered he headed out there just a few moments ago. So I asked Bella to head outside to get him for dinner. She came back in a hurry, and with the all too familiar panic in her voice says "I can't find him anywhere". So with a sigh of "here we go again", we all 3 head out. Except when I get out there, I don't see him either. Now I am in a panic.
My head races- "do I run to the park, the neighbor's, how long do I look before I call the police..." . Apparently this panic looks familiar to the neighbor as well, as she hollers from across the street - "Are you looking for Anthony?"
I think to myself- "yes, the search won't be long." I reply back, "Yes-have you seen him?"

She says "Yes, he went that way, to the backyard."
"With the lawn mower".
"And it's running".

"WHAT?!!!"
Well, this is an introduction to a new kind of panic as I run off to the backyard and follow the "path" in the grass. Yep, there he is. "Mowing the lawn." I run like I never have (I'll have to use this as a visualization for my next 5K). Anyway, I scared him when I came up behind him and he looked up at me.
OHH, did I want to yell at him. He could have....I didn't even want to think about it.

But then I saw his face.

He was beaming!
He was sooooo proud of himself.
He did his hand gesture of "look what I did mom",
and then signs that he is a "big boy" and "just like dad".

I couldn't do it. I couldn't yell at him. I just was struck in my heart to only say,
"wow, Anthony. You did it all by your self!! You are a big boy to mow the lawn!"
I think he grew an inch right there.

I could have, as the total freaked out mom that I was,
crushed him down with what I could have said, what I wanted to say.
But instead, I calmly told him that he was awesome. And that next time he should let mom or dad watch him because it was a big job to see. And that now we will put it away and go eat dinner. He wasn't happy about that very much, but he did get to "park it".

And as we pushed it up the hill, I thanked God for those Angels of his.

Now I was sure he has two.
They gotta take shifts with this one.

And as we went inside,
I hid the key to the lawn mower.

Right next to the matches.