Aww...

My little Emma. The child is such a gift.
Just a quick note today to share her thoughts, and remember them later, as I tend to forget.

We've been listening to country singer Carrie Underwood lately. I don't have a radio in my van, the antenna came off in an ice storm in Iowa a few years ago. So we buy our tunes and I STILL haven't spent on CD's what it would have cost me to have it fixed. Besides, this way, no commercials, and not being totally aware of the awful things that happen in the news of our world isn't so terrible.

So Emma and I are getting into the car to go to school, and as she buckles up, she makes her song request. With a smile and a please. She wanted the song, I believe titled, "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood.

A beautiful song. I still almost cry every time.

And Emma chimes in and says, "Mom, can we listen to that Townhouse Song".
I DID cry at that one.

I love that kid.

Her little innocence always brightens my day and reminds me, today, that this time in our life, this time in our townhouse, is just temporary.

My Gambling Problem

This is my baby.

One of my all-time favorite pictures of us.

He changes my life, everyday.

I have a dream.

To one day write a book.

Well, actually, publish a book.

I get a few ideas here and there. I really hope to do it one day.

For the fun of it, I'll share an idea I had today.

If I were to write a book that would include the following story, it would be entitled...

"My Life as a Poker Mom - Dealing with the Cards."

(Or something like that.)

A few months ago I shared our story of Anthony's upcoming surgery. Which was scheduled for Monday. After the news, I resolved to quit my housecleaning job, make a "recovery - friendly" home (since we just moved), prepare for childcare and get ready for a week in the hospital and 8 weeks with him in a cast and a year of therapy. And so we set out.

But, "just in case", we scheduled an appointment for a second opinion, as this surgery and recovery is very serious. Many encouraged this. I wondered.

I wondered... why go through a second appointment to hear the same news.

Or worse... what if they say NOT to do the surgery.

We went through major tests, x-rays and measurements. This surgeon never wanted to do any surgery until after those tests were done. I figured they proved serious enough to change his mind and it was a done deal.

But... against my better judgement, I rolled the dice and made the 2nd appointment.

I mean... what are the odds that his co-worker would disagree with him?

Pretty high I guess.

Not only did he think that Anthony didn't need the surgery, but that if he did, he would choose a totally different one.

What kind of "hand" is this?

Do we roll the dice again on a third opinion?

And do what, break the tie? No thanks.

I'm in a big enough tailspin.

This is my kid.

One doctor says it will affect the severity of his future arthritis (which is a given anyway).

One doctor says his hip won't actually pop out, unless he falls really hard.

One doctor says that he could just be used to the pain he is in and can't tell us about it.

One doctor thinks if we do it now, he will heal faster, another says one leg could grow longer than the other if we do it now.

And sooo many other things, no need to repeat them all.

I don't know WHO I would lay my money on. (If I had any.)

But this is my kid.

So we now have 4 doctors involved, his pediatrician and DS specialist got copies of the reports and are waging in too.

Since the stakes are so high and no one can place a sure bet here, we have decided to postpone the surgery, if at all, or if even the same one, until the fall.

We need to monitor him much more and make more accurate observations for how it affects his daily function, before we can be sure that this surgery is right for him ... or not.

So we wait, and watch,

and pick up the cards we are dealt.

And we try to gamble on how this leg will affect a future none of us can predict.

I am reminded of a song I used to sing when I was a little girl

in the backseat of the car along with my parents...

I will need to "know when hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em.

Know when to walk away, know when to run".

I have a gambling problem.

First of all, I don't play, I can't keep track of all the rules and I am in over my head.

(Can't you tell, I am making references to cards AND dice.

- Much like my parenting - I have no idea what I am doing.)

I want to "know", that if we put Anthony through this, he will get the big payout.

I want a sure thing.

Do we "walk away"?

I want to "run".

This is my baby.

How does any parent actually choose this?

And so begins the "shuffle".

Anybody know where I can find the rule book?