Bah Freeking HumBug

I wish I had the Christmas spirit, I really do.

It's next week.

I'm not "done" with anything, but at least halfway there on most of it.

The only thing that really haunts me is the "newsletter". Each year I attempt to write a piece of hope, love, or joy. I try very hard to walk the tightrope of trying to update everyone on our family, without soundling like a "brag" letter.

Well that shouldn't be a problem this year.
What would we brag about? Hell, I don't even want to admit to half of it.

The trick this year will be to actually find some hope and cheer to spread. I am sure there is some, but today I don't have it. Actually, just right now. I had a great day today. But right now I feel awful. How do I talk about hope and what a "great" year 2009 was?

It sucked.

My husband lost his job, we almost lost our marriage from the stress, and now we're losing our house. How's that for an update? That should make people want to stoke up the fire and snuggle with some hot chocolate. Don't ya think?

Well, the pictures of our totally awesome kids won't be done until Sunday. I can send out my cards and "update" on Monday and still be out before Christmas. So, I have 2 days to get my crap together and find something happy to write about.

Or maybe not. Maybe this year I'll go for honesty. Maybe I'll be more than "facebook fake" and actually tell people that 2009 was an awful year. It sucked and I hated most of it.

Well, I am going to go watch Rudolph with my kids. That usually gets me in the Christmas mood.

I feel kinda like that poor deer. A misfit. Just can't seem to find out why I was made the way I was. (Or in the situation I am in). I want to run away too.

I think I am at that part where I am just hanging out of the island of misfit toys wondering what the heck I am doing. Hoping one day - to lead the sleigh.


Besides,
2009...

It is over.
And we are going to be just fine.

Because we'll get new jobs, and another house, and we survived the test of our marriage, and are better than we ever were.

Hey, we still have our health.

(Could I be feeling a sense of "cheer" already?)