(Don't) Leave it to the Professionals

After having Anthony, and realizing I had no idea what I was getting into, I looked to the "professionals" to guide us.

Well, initially.

Somewhere along the line I let "guidance" become "rule".

One of the most valuable life lessons I have learned from my son - you can't let someone else rule your life.

Most common sense reason is that they don't live your life, so why let them run it?

I have tried for years to do everything everyone told us to do. It has exhausted me. Most of the time I would look at the "to do" list from each therapist and doctor, and feel too overwhelmed to do any of it. And most days wouldn't. Doing the "flashcard" thing with letters, numbers, clocks, colors, and shapes has it's place. But if you are not careful - you can hit the very slippery slope of losing the role of "mother" to "therapist". And it completely zaps you. They all want so much. And for years, I gave as much as I could for their sake.

But I have turned a new leaf.

I have realized that these "professionals" aren't to be confused with "experts". And that searching out experts isn't the answer either.

Unless you are looking in the mirror.

You know who actually knows Anthony - me.

You know who actually loves Anthony - me.

You know who truly wants the best for him - me.

You know who can never quit, move to a new clinic, and switch professions - me.

As a mother, as any mother, we want the best for our kids. Many of us will read, go to speakers, catch an episode of Supernanny now and then, we can essentially walk our own paths.

But when you are a mom with a child with special needs, you don't even have to pick - the professionals just come and get you, tell you what to do, unwittingly scare you into doing it "for him to reach his potential". And in the unknown we find ourselves in - we do our damn-dest to follow through.

And if you are cursed with perfectionism, or double-whammied with people-pleasing like me, you can wear yourself out pretty fast - and completely forget that you have a half a mind to do a pretty damn good job with or without the "professionals". Because they DON'T always know what's best.

MOMS - (including myself)

Don't sell yourself short.

Think about what you want for your child and make your own path.

Take "advice" from those more experienced.

But never put them in front of your own heart.

Because, before any of "them", there was you.

All nine months, it was you.

Through the delivery, it was you.

Through those warm moments when they put that child in your arms, it was you.

Before the "diagnosis", it was you.

Before the charts, the tests, the bloodwork, the therapies and the doctors - IT WAS YOU.

And YOU will always be there.

Through the first steps, the first words, and the first day of school.

Through the skinned knee, the hurt feelings, and the sick days.

Through the school plays, the homecomings and proms.

Through the graduations, the first jobs, and first homes.

Possibly through their entire time on this Earth.

It will be you.

The "professionals" will come and go, their roles will change as your child does, and they will always tell you to do something more - that's kind of their job.

But You - you will be your child's constant.

You will be their source of love and respect.

You will be their example of courage and honor.

So do them proud.

Be their mom - You are the expert.

For their sake.

I say this mostly to myself - because for too long I have let others dictate my life, and I let it spill into my parenting. However innocent it was in the beginning, when I was scared and didn't know what to do, when it was easier to look to others for knowledge than within myself. It's not that way anymore. I am now a new person, and I am writing the rest of "my story". I am not scared anymore.

I am making my own path now.

I still have my "to-do" lists.

But now I actually write them.

And I am blessed to be having a lot more fun with my son... and my daughters.

Because now, with the assistance of a few select professionals, I am MOM first.

And I am the "expert"on Anthony.