Reading Between the (Vacuum) Lines

I am about to admit something I have only shared with family and few friends. I guess I am a little embarrassed, but to share what I have learned, I must share how I have learned it.

I am...
a cleaning lady.

After Shaun lost his job, I began searching for a job, anything to make an income. I have about four jobs, three I only do once in a while. But my main job is that of cleaning people's homes. I have six now.

Although I STILL HATE the loading and unloading of my things into these kind people's homes - I guess because it is so obvious then, I have come to really enjoy this work. Well, I certainly don't hate it.

It's not my career path, but it is a fantastic job.

It has taught me some really wonderful things...

*Cleaning for 3 to 4 hours counts as a great workout.
*Time alone is so very precious.
*Listening to Steven Covey on your MP3 player can change your life.
*Music makes the job go faster.
*The right music can make ME go faster.
*There is great satisfaction in a job that is "done."
*Soul -searching happens inevitably.
*Cleaning ANY house without interruption is awesome.
*Making someone's day is worth more than they pay me.
*(Although) They pay me pretty good.
*The challenge is not to clean the home, the challenge is to clean the already clean home.
*A person's book collection is very revealing.
*The priorities of a person shows in their home as well.


But, the most amazing thing I have found in this endevour is... me.

This job has become like therapy for me.

Being a hard worker is very rewarding,
working hard gets your endorphins going,
and that much thinking time has put me in touch with a lot of feelings, realizations, and has forced me to go through some much needed healing. I have been known to leave my favorite house in tears many times. There's just something about that house that brings me closer to my own truths.

At first I hid from my kids who some of my clients were. Especially since one of them is my daughter's teacher. I had even asked her teacher to keep it a secret too (I didn't want the kids to have a reason to tease her). But then, while cleaning one day, I realized all I was doing was teaching my daughter that some jobs are better than others, and worse, to be ashamed of her mother. So, now it's in the open, and she thinks it's cool. (Gotta love fourth grade thought processes). And I am learning how to give myself worth.

I am also coming face to face with my need for other's approval and acceptance. I don't get that with this job. My only guess that they like it is that they pay me to do it, and have me come back. I have to tell myself I did a good job before I leave, and then rely on my own opinion and make my own decisions. That, however small, is a healing thing too.

I feel like I am getting to know who I am, my likes and dislikes, my goals, my dreams, my standards, even my purpose. I don't know it all yet, but I am enjoying the process.

Somewhere between those vacuum lines and polished sinks lie my heartaches, my pain, and my old self. And in the darkest of places I am discovering my new self. Actually, my real self.

This isn't the job I will do forever, but without it I wouldn't, and couldn't, be deciding my future the way I am. I am ever so thankful for the work, the income, and the insights I am getting from the experiences. Whatever I do in the future, I will know it will be the right thing for me. Because I have had nothing to do but think about it.

And in so many ways, I know that someday, when I look in the mirror - before and after I clean it - I will be happy with the woman I see.