Week 3 - A skeptic turns hopeful?

There is so much to say! I have to share this!!!

IT'S WORKING!!!!!!

(I think.)

Ok, so when we first started this whole thing we really didn't know what to expect. Shaun and I had gone to hear a speaker on the topic of this Brain Balance Center. When we left, we knew we wanted to do it. We heard about some of the details families deal with, that we deal with, and that this center has helped. And we wanted in on it. Because we wanted help.

As Anthony's parents, and Bella's and Emma's, we want the best for our kids. In most ways, we can expect Bella and Emma to participate in that process more than we can with Anthony. In the simplest of ways, if Emma wants to play soccer or Bella wants to go to a friend's house, they can ask us. If they want to be a vet or an artist when they grow up, they can tell us and we can help navigate them towards their dreams. But with Anthony, we have to both think of a possible future - that maybe doesn't even exist yet because of how fast the world changes - AND we try to find ways to get him there. We arrange play dates for him, we sign him up for things and we shoot for his full potential. And for his entire life, we have had people, lots of people, telling us what his future should be, should look like, and how to reach his potential. If anything - we have TOO many options, and opinions, in what we "should" be doing. (Which leads to the majority of my "mommy guilt", because there is ALWAYS more we "should be working on" for him. And it carries with it this underlying message that if we don't - him not reaching his potential is because of us not doing enough.)

Through that mission of finding "the best" for him, we have gone to Arizona for speech and oral motor skills. We have gone to Ohio for more speech. We dragged him to Missouri for a camp where he gets to be accepted for just being who is. All those and the many little things along the way have been great and we wouldn't change that we did them. But we always kind of wished we could have gained more out of those things. Well, maybe not camp - that WAS the best thing we ever did. For all of us.

And then - we started at Brain Balance. Even though we were excited, even though it all sounded so good, and even though EVERYTHING fell perfectly in to place for this to come together, Shaun and I BOTH still thought - Is this really going to do anything???

Do you have any idea how many promises of "if you do this, your kid will have the best chance at a good future" there are out there?

And how much they cost?

And how much SOO many parents like us do it, just in case it might actually deliver on those promises? Add in the fact that they all sound so legit, professional and even scientifically based beyond my knowledge or ability to separate the real thing from a scam? I gotta tell ya, after a while, they all start sounding a little shady. Even our latest "adventure". Just how do they figure out what hemisphere is less developed as the other side anyway? How do they attribute certain characteristics to one side or the other? And what the heck is up with that music?? We have to do SO much! And it is so expensive! Is it really worth all this?

Well, I have a slightly reserved YES!

Anthony was assessed with a Left hemisphere deficiency. So we have a CD he has to listen to, only in the left ear, 3-5 times a day. It has certain tones designed to enhance something in his brain while he listens to it. He has exercises he has to do, 2-3 times a day that include eye strengthening exercises, primitive reflexes, and core strength. It is REALLY hard to get them all in. Most days, it's just once through. Some days, I have gotten in 2. And this past week he's been sick, so we have even missed a few days. (Insert major mommy guilt here.) We drive 45 minutes one way to Woodbury 3 times a week for the stuff they do there. We are trying to keep up. With all of it, and life too. Like little sister Emma's birthday and doing her party, scavenger hunt, and birthday week surprises along the way. Or Bella's band concert and dad working all the time. We are trying.

And after only 3 weeks, this crazy chaos is paying off!!!!

My eyes just fill with tears as I think about how our little boy is changing.

Here's just a few:

Emma mentioned she needed a spoon one day, not asking for one, just mentioned it. Anthony got up and got one for her without being asked.

Every time someone sneezes he says "Bless you". Every time someone coughs, he asks if they are ok.

While at the grocery store, he always finds the car rack and just sits there forever! I usually try to make my turns in the aisles to avoid it, until they relocate it. Then I usually have to let him stop and look at it, because he won't go any further, put Bella on "Anthony detail", while I go get the rest of the groceries. Same thing if he finds the toys at Target. The last 4 trips to these two places. He stops briefly, and then moves on when we tell him to!!! The fact that he walk away in under one minute is a miracle!!!!!

Last night my parents were over for cake and ice cream for Emma's birthday. ANY other visit he usually wanders up to his room to play alone. Yesterday he stayed and visited with us for the ENTIRE night. My parents both thought it was so different to have him hanging out with us and conversing with us adults. My dad said he was like one of us grown ups.

He has been SOOOO much more cooperative, attentive, caring, affectionate, and TALKING! He's still hard to understand, but he is so much more communicative and conversational! More than he ever has been in his life!!!! He stayed home yesterday from school because we were in the ER the night before (a weird rash on his arms and chest- it went away, and he's fine.) Anyhow, we went to Target together. It was so fun, I truly enjoyed the company. He showed me stuff he wanted for Christmas, and then PUT IT BACK and walked away. He even picked out a present for Emma!!!! So thoughtful of him!! Him thinking of others the way he has been is new too. The extent of it is new.

I still cry at how much more engaged he is with all of us. This entire day he has been interacting with us. THE ENTIRE DAY. He didn't go off to his room one time to play alone!!!!! He has NEVER done this!!!! We played games, he cooked with dad, he was a part of everything. We were ... a family today. Like we have never been. NO arguing, NO fighting, NO not listening and when Emma wanted to sit in the chair he was saving for dad at the table - he got up and moved to the other side, so she could sit where she wanted and he could still sit by dad!!!! That one made me cry a little. EVERY other time, he would throw such a fit that Emma would have to move for safety, and for him to calm down to even eat.

Today was the most beautiful day I have ever have. Watching him grow this way, be so interactive and social. My mind is spinning. I know he will have more difficult times, we still have 9 weeks left for crying out loud! But this day was incredible. And I will treasure it.

I find that I am still trying not to get my hopes up though, just in case. I am even still thinking it's other things. Like maybe he's being so nice today because dad is home. I just don't know yet.

Is it really working?

Is it dad?

Is it a weekend?

Is it the crazy weather?

What's causing all these changes?

Do I care?

I am loving this side of my boy!!

We will keep doing our exercises. And we will keep praying. I am an utter zombie most days, but I am a mom getting to know her son in a way I have never known him. Shaun and I just kept looking at each other all day, shaking our heads, mouths dropping and eyes popping and saying "Did you see that?????"

Today ... I have HOPE!!!!

But tomorrow we have a family gathering. Lots of people.

And yes, I'll be watching.

And yes, this is a test.

I know what they've been like, so I am more than curious to see how it will go now.

While I was driving to Woodbury today, I went past a church with a sign out front. In the moment before, I was just wondering if the Brain Balance Center was what was happening to my son. And then I saw the sign, it said "Better than Balance".

I took that as a sign to me, that something much bigger (and better) than all of us - is what's going on here.

And I am more than grateful for the incredible gifts of what ever is happening to my little boy.

Today and every day.